serenity...

serenity - The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Serenity Prayer - God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I can't help but turn to this prayer as I sit here in the hospital, day 18, and struggle to accept the back and forth indecisiveness (or semi-passive disagreement) among different MDs regarding how to manage my future health.  When there is no "clear cut" answer regarding a long term medication plan for anticoagulation (i.e. plan for thinning the blood to prevent future clots) one MD asks, "What would you like us to do Mrs. Dreyer?"....to which I respond, "I want you to come up with a plan that will prevent any of this from happening again!"  While I understand that these incredibly intelligent and gifted doctors cannot possibly make me any promises, the seriousness of my history does not consist of a simple blood clot in the leg.  My history consists of 1.  Massive and numerous blood clots in my lungs which could have easily killed me,  2.  A blood clot that resulted in a bleed to the right frontal lobe of my brain, and 3. A blood clot that caused a stroke damaging 4 areas of my brain.  At some point it seems that if one cannot find the root cause of the problem, then it might just be worth looking at the BIG PICTURE which is MY LIFE and treat the symptom....BLOOD CLOTS!  I'm not an MD, hell I don't have more than a Bachelors of Science in Occupational Therapy, but I've been in the medical profession long enough and I see how the system works.  There is "storming" going on in this stage of my care as doctors attempt to figure out a long term medication plan and unfortunately the answer isn't easy nor clear.  What is clear to me.....someone needs to come up with a strategic plan for managing my health and give me the best opportunity to have the most optimal outcome!  Why?  Because I have too damn much to live for!

Please say a prayer that a simple solution presents itself that satisfies all!  Much love to you all and many thanks for all your support, prayers, and well wishes for my recovery and healing.